Truths:

My best friend in the world might be dead right now.
Last night he sent me a message saying “You’ve been a really good friend and I love you.” and then deleted his facebook.
His Storywrite is gone now too.
Our mutual friend thinks it’s his fault.
He might be right, but there are a million other reasons that Dinosaur would want to die.
It’s not the first time he’s tried.
I hope he fails.
I hope that, entirely because I love him and I’m selfish.
He has HIV, and was unhealthy even before he contracted it.
It may in all honesty be easiest for him to die on his own terms.
But I’m selfish.
And I love him.
So I don’t know which part of these feelings makes me better or worse.
Is it better to hope he’s alive, but know he’s going to continue to suffer?
Or is it better to accept his decision, and to let him go?

Posted on February 26, 2012 with 2 notes